My Aukje .
At 22 years old, I met her for the first time. In Utrecht. She was a secretary at the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, Department of Pathology; I was a second-year veterinary student, 1966.
My Aukje.
Bit by bit, I heard about her time in Groningen. There, as a baby, she fled with her mother after the bombing of Arnhem in September 1944. Her school years were difficult because her curiosity and zest for life were frequently rejected and stifled. Fear was a looming reality. This left scars that Aukje carried with her throughout her life.
My Aukje.
In 1970, we got married. We were incredibly happy and had a nice apartment to live in the most beautiful neighborhood of Utrecht: Koningslaan! Aukje was the breadwinner since I still had to obtain my veterinary degree. That went well, and in December 1970, we both worked at the same department – Veterinary Pathology – at the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine. In 1971, IJsselstein became our second home. A brand new house. Unbelievable. Our daughter ANNEMIEK was born there in June 1972. A wonderful time.
My Aukje.
We moved our work and residence in 1976. Zwolle became our home. Not unfamiliar to me! We were busy with our family and countless activities. I worked at the Animal Health Service; Aukje engaged in various volunteer work. That unraveled in the 1980s. For a few years, Aukje struggled through life. With support and help, she managed to recover. During that time, she set herself the goal: “I am going to complete my High School!” With flying colors, she succeeded. The sun began to shine again. She then enthusiastically started a job as a secretary at the “De Weezenlanden” hospital in Zwolle.
My Aukje.
Once again, a move was on the horizon. The Health Service in Zwolle was relocating to Deventer due to a national merger. Our decision was made quickly: we are moving too! A new home in a lovely spot. What a blessing. After two months, Aukje started working at the hospital in Deventer. Meanwhile, Annemiek had begun her studies and no longer lived at home. Just the two of us were busy but also very happy. We could afford to travel a lot. We enjoyed it to the fullest.
My Aukje.
It soon became clear that our church choice in Deventer was not the right one. With Aukje’s experiences from Groningen, the situation quickly got out of hand. We left that church community. This caused a lot of sadness. Together we sought our own path. This brought us both peace and clarity, up to this day, with challenging questions, often without answers.
Musical interlude: From the “Enigma Variations” by Edward Elgar: ‘NIMROD’
My Aukje.
Annemiek built her life after her Zwolle period through Ede, Bolsward, and Leeuwarden. A new beginning with Hans. They created a cozy nest in Goutum. We take great joy in their children, our grandchildren: Nynke and Lars. New life developing, and now they are all grown up! How happy Aukje and I were with this family of our daughter! During that same period, our joint retirement was in sight. Fortunately, we were able to enjoy it together: at home, in the Netherlands, in France, and wherever else around the world. We look back on that with great pleasure. Gradually, traveling became less easy for Aukje. Our photo reports and scrapbooks help us recall many wonderful memories.
My Aukje.
For about eight years, Aukje’s health had been weakening. Her mobility decreased. Together, we managed, but her independence took hit after hit. On December 21, 2024, we went to Deventer Hospital together. AUKJE said, “Something is wrong, I don’t know what, but it’s not good!” Three days later, on December 24, 2024, she received her fatal diagnosis. Aukje didn’t need long to think about the future. In her clear words: “No bells and whistles on my body.” On January 8, 2025, I was able to bring her to the hospice “De Winde.” From the very start, she felt at home there. There, Aukje was surrounded by loving care. She expressed her gratitude for that. All the staff let her and me know how enjoyable it was to be in Aukje’s room. The tumor in her head caused a progressively devastating impact on her language abilities. The increasing aphasia was an unbearable burden. With a smile on her face, we as a family were able to say goodbye to Aukje. It was difficult but also very warm.
My Aukje.
In a remarkable way, Aukje has learned over the past years to surrender while maintaining control over her life. This is not a lack of zest for life but a release to be able to let go. The ultimate moment has come when Aukje could let life go. She has done this in an admirable manner.
I have found a strong woman.
We are just silent about it.
Closing music: Andante cantabile from the “Pathétique” Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven.
